Well, I have officially finished my first week at my new internship! I have really enjoyed it so far. I am working in the methadone clinic at Sunrise Canyon MHMR. I have to be there at 6:00am… gross, but not as bad as I thought it would be. I am really tired in the afternoons, but make it through the morning okay. And since I get off around 12:30ish its works out well. I think I need to get in the habit of afternoon naps… J My supervisor, Steve, is a really great guy to work with. This past week I basically just followed him around like a shadow, so I have gotten to know him fairly well already. I haven’t gotten to see any clients on my own yet, but I’m grateful for that because I don’t feel comfortable with my substance abuse counseling skills just yet. I have never counseled anyone for substance abuse before….probably a (very) good idea to take advantage of supervision!
Also, I take urine samples. That’s correct. I watch people (females only) pee in a cup. Awkward. Probably more so for the pee-er than for me, but still.
I have found myself thinking about Nathan more than usual lately. At first I thought it was because it was getting close to May (I know its already May now…but this started before May) and his birthday is May 31. It is also starting to get close to the 2 year anniversary of his death, which will be September 4. But a few weeks ago the real reason dawned on me. And by dawned on me, I mean fell on me like a ton of bricks. It is because I am going to have a baby soon. I know, that doesn’t make immediate sense to most people, so let me explain. Nathan LOVED babies. And babies loved him. To be honest, a lot of grown ups didn’t necessarily love Nathan because he had a tendency to be a bit self-centered and often arrogant. Thus, he is not the type of person I would have described as a ‘people person’. But for some reason, he was great with babies. He had such a soft-spot for them and was so good with them. So it is really difficult for me to know that my son/daughter will not have Nathan in his/her life. Having a wedding without Nathan there was not easy…but no where near this though. I know that if Nathan was at my wedding he would have been jealous that it was not all about him, and I know he would have done something to try to change that. But if he were still here, I know he would be so excited for me and Brian (I know that he is even more excited where he is now…but I don’t get to see his face or experience the joy of his excitement). And I know he would have looooved being an uncle. And he would have loved spoiling his niece/nephew. So, to make a long story short, realizing that I will not get to see my big brother love on my baby in this life is a tough pill to swallow.
Now, on to more cheerful pregnancy news:
At work on Wednesday TWO people asked me if I was pregnant!!!! J One was a co-worker and one was a client. The co-worker looked at me funny, poked me in the stomach, and then asked. This would have been THE PERFECT opportunity to look confused and say no. It would have been totally awesome! Yet, I was so dang excited I got a goofy grin and said “Oh, can you tell?!”. Well, duh she could tell or she wouldn’t have asked. Nonetheless, I was thrilled. Then about 30 minutes later a client asked. Awesome day! J
Oh sick, Jia just tooted and it is rank!
Our baby is the size of an apple this week! Not including the legs. And on June 3 we get to find out if it’s a she or a he!!! June sounds forever away, but it is less than a month now! Also, the thought of bacon-ranch is horrid. I like bacon (okay, reeeeally like bacon) and I like ranch, I even like bacon in ranch dressing…but the thought of bacon-ranch is yuck. Before I got pregnant I used to really like chicken and bacon-ranch pitas, but not anymore. I saw bacon-ranch at Wal-Mart this morning…. I guess that’s why I felt the need to share that. Needless to say, I did not purchase the bacon-ranch. And I also avoided the Vienna sausage aisle so I wouldn’t be temped.
I have promised myself never again to go grocery shopping at Wal-Mart on a Saturday. It is so busy…people leave their carts in the middle of the aisle, kids running all over, general mayhem. It left me feeling frazzled. To make it up to myself, I bought chocolate covered doughnuts from the bakery. And I have to confess, I opened the box and ate one before I had even left the parking lot. Before I had even put the car in drive actually.
I still haven’t figured pictures out… stay tuned!
Ok, first of all, you can practice your substance abuse counseling skills on Matt. His main vice is sugar and I’m pretty sure he’d be willing to be a test counseling subject for you.
Second, I know in a way how you feel about your brother, because I’ve felt the same way about my dad. And it’s like the happier you are, the more it hurts that your baby won’t know him. I used to make my dad rock my dolls to sleep and he would always call them his grandbabies. (: Sometimes the most random things make me think about Kendi not knowing my dad and I can burst into tears at a moment’s notice (pregnancy hormones don’t help either I’m sure). We’ll have to tell your little apple baby all about his/her uncle Nathan! Today I’m feeling like you’re having a boy. Which is weird, because I normally never get those intuitions about babies’ genders.
Happy mother’s day, by the way! I bought you some bacon ranch. BACON RANCH & HAMBURGERS BACON RANCH BACON RANCH!!!!!! VIENNA SAUSAGES! Hahaha, jk, hope I didn’t make you too sick just now.
Beautiful blog Christy. I love you so much, and I love your heart. Thanks for your comments Sarah. I’m glad ya’ll have each other as you both go through this happy/difficult time.